Sometimes you just do

So I had to give up my part as a "jungle animal" so I could stay on the tennis team. No more part in the play? No, I'm still painting the set and whatnot but I really wish I could sing in it :(

Oh well, I'm not going to give up tennis. Maybe if I had a lead role, but a jungle animal? Nah.

On the tennis courts and when I got home I really thought about something. You can't treat everyday like it's just another day. Really, it's not you will never be in that same position in time again. You are changed by what you did yesterday, what you do now, and you will be changed by what you do tomorrow. Ten years from now we won't be doing the same things, some things we do now we'll never do again. I'll never be a junior in high school again, I'll be an adult with a job and if God wills it, a family. I might never play tennis competitively, I might never wear these same clothes, and I might not listen to the same music when I get older. Change is inevitable and even if we feel like everything is monotonous and the same, time will move even if we refuse too. No two days are exactly the same, and if they were that would be called a standstill in time. If each day you got up at the exact same time, wore the exact same clothes, ate the exact same things, had the exact same conversations, and learned the exact same things, you wouldn't be living, you wouldn't be allowed to "grow up" or change. I'm going to meet new people, I'll lose old friends, I'm going to lose loved ones so I have to treat everyday with a special attitude, treat the people I know with respect, and smile. Who knows, perhaps the smile I give somebody will make their day? Each of us has a direct impact on those around us, even if you don't know anyone, your attitude could completely change someone's outlook.

Well enough fancy schmancy philisophical dribble. Yeah, high school boys suck. Why can't they grow up and be mature? Even if you think you know a good high school guy, he's still an absolute immature dork when it comes down to certain things. GRR! It's frustrating, I want to stick them in some sort of time machine microwave, set the maturity ahead 5 years and start.

Oh well.

I want something real but I know I HAVE to wait. It's ridiculous to think I can find something full of meaning at this age, so I'm going to have to wait until I'm in college and even after until I'm working in the community. There's so many people I haven't met. Patience is hard, good thing I've got alot of it. Still a part of me daydreams of that perfect guy that doesn't exist. I'm such a silly romanticist when it comes down to things. So silly.

Yet when I'm driving alone in my car with the window rolled down and good music playing I can't but feel so free, so happy to be alone. Especially in the spring, I love being able to run around and do anything. I feel strong, I don't need anybody... but still. It's weird having these two extreme feelings let me tell you. The parallelism, the juxtaposition, it would make my English teacher proud if I were to describe them, but I'll not droll on.

Yep, and now I'll just burn time between now and my Espanol class at SPSCC... with I think I'm failing.

Smile, God loves you.

When God is with me, who can stand against me?